A few days ago, I was “attacked” by excitement. I was listing down the things that will happen over the next few months and I was filled with such overwhelming joy. This year will be my 40th on this earth and so I am imagining a truly epic year (even though some of you wil say 40 is just a number etc etc). And we’re just in the 3rd month but already it’s looking to become a landmark year for me.
But as it always happens to me whenever I’m faced with soon-to-be-momentous stuff in my life, the anxiety always follows the excitement.
How will I survive the next few months?
Where will I get the money to fund my next trips?
Will I be able to finish the tasks I need to for that big project?
What if no one buys the thing I’m doing”
What if I don’t get a visa?
What if something bad happens before I turn 40?
What if? How? When? Where?
Living with occassional paralyzing anxiety is stressful. It can bother you for an entire day or even days or weeks. It can rob you of the joy of the moment and of the future. It can actually ruin the thing for you because when you anticipate that things will go wrong, sometimes you yourself can cause things to go wrong.
I still don’t have the perfect solution to getting rid of this useless anxiety. But one thing that i can do is to just breathe. And I mean the physical act of breathing. Whenever I start thinking of all the things that can go wrong, I stop and then literally breathe in and out. In the process of breathing, I am reminded of these things
…that God is in control
…that I am blessed
…that I need not worry needlessly because things will work itself out and I just have to do my part
…that I have a lot of things to look forward to
…that I can just be
…that His grace will get me through mistakes or hurdles and even this anxiety
Breathe in, breath out. Breathe in, breathe out.
And in breathing, I am also reminded that while I can look forward to things that will happen next week, next month, in the next few months, I still have to be in the present. I still have to do my job, take care of my responsibilities, and just live in the now. In the quiet moments in between all of these things, I remember what is in store for me, both the known and unknown.
Breathe in. Breathe out